The Portal
by JTrain35
Summary: A normal guy from our world goes through a portal and ends up in the world of Glee.  Along the way he meets Jeff Winger from Community.  He begins to realize that New Directions aren't as nice as they seem.
1. The Beginning

**The Portal**

**By Josh Lindberg**

It was Tuesday Night, and I was on my way to dance class. It had been a particularly rough day at work, and I was looking forward to dancing around to Michael Jackson's thriller. Unfortunately, it seems fate had a different plan for me that night. As I was preparing to pull into the parking lot, a portal opened up. I tried to drive around it, but it followed me everywhere I went. The scenery seemed to change all around me. It seemed that I was no longer in Lexington, South Carolina, but somewhere completely different. At this point I was pretty scared, so I pulled over to the side of the road. Just then, I saw a black mustang pull over on the side of the road. To my surprise, it appeared to be _Community _star Joel McHale.

"Oh wow, I certainly did not expect this." I said nervously. "Would you happen to know where we are?"

"I was about to ask you the same question." Joel responded. "I was driving home from our 50th school dance this year when suddenly this portal appeared. Next thing I knew, I ended up here."

"Yeah, I was actually driving towards dance class when that portal appeared."

"Really getting into character there." Joel muttered.

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing. Anyway, there has to be a town around here somewhere."

"Yeah, hopefully with a gas station. I need to gas up my car. I had actually planned to drive by the gas station tonight after class. "

So Joel and I drove our respective cars to the nearest town and drove around until we found a gas station. I put my card into the slot, but unfortunately for some reason, the machine would not take my card.

"Hey Joel, my card isn't working for whatever reason. Do you mind if I use yours?"

"Yeah, my name isn't Joel, it's Jeff." Joel said. "And I barely have enough money to get myself gas. Besides, don't you have money being somewhat of a big Hollywood star?"

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. "I've never been to Hollywood. I've done some acting at Trustus."

"What the fuck is Trustus?" Joel asked.

"It's one of our local theaters in Columbia." I explained. "Anyway, you're the big Hollywood star here, what with _Community _and _The Soup."_

"What are you talking about?" Joel asked, obviously annoyed. "I go to a crappy community college in Colorado, just so I can be a lawyer again."

"I never took you as a method actor Joel." I said with a smirk.

"Okay, where do you get off calling me Joel? My name is Jeff Winger! How would you like it if I called you the wrong name? In fact, I'm just gonna start calling you Josh Lindberg. How do you like that?"

" How you do know my name?" I asked defensively.

"You're kidding right?" Jeff asked incredulously. "You really want to stick with that lame character?"

"What do you mean by that?" I asked angrily.

"Look, I'm not an idiot. I know that you're really that geeky Michael Allen Paul dude from _Goins Dancing_. Now stop treating me like an idiot and get out of character."

"I could say the same about you, Joel McHale." I shot back. "Do you really think that you are your character from Community? Granted, I'm a big fan of the show, but I never thought the character of Jeff Winger was someone you wanted to live as 24/7."

Just then the cast of Glee walked into the gas station and started performing Ke$ha's _Your Love is my drug._

"So _Goins Dancing _huh? What is that about?"

"Yeah it's about a girl who happens to own a dance studio and how she's finding her way in the world or something stupid like that. Totally not a fan."

"What channel does it come on?"

"CBS."

"Ugh, are you serious."

"Yeah, sorry. At least you know it won't be canceled. They kept _2 and ½ Men_ on for years before they canceled it."

"What happened?"

"Charlie Sheen had a meltdown and started talking about how he was 'winning' with his tiger blood."

"Yeah, that happened in my universe too. I guess Charlie Sheen's a constant on all universes unfortunately."

"Yeah, but it's not as bad as this."

The cast of Glee walked out of the gas station laughing it up. I figured that I might go up and introduce myself to them. Maybe they could somehow help Jeff and I return to our own universes.

"Hey my name is…"

"WE don't really care what your name is you Lima loser." Kurt said with a vicious tone that quite surprised me.

"Hey, that's uncalled for." Jeff said as he strode up to confront the Glee kids. "He was just asking you a question."

"These rubes are not worth our time." Rachel said very nasally. "Give them the slushy treatment."

"Really, the 'slushy treatment'?" Jeff asked sarcastically. "No, anything but that."

"Well, you asked for it." Rachel said smugly. Just then, the Glee kids seemed to materialize slushies out of thin air. Before I knew it, I was overcome by a stinging cold sticky sensation. The Glee kids jumped in their bus and laughed evilly and Jeff and I tried to wipe the slush off of our clothes.

"That was odd." I remarked. "They seem so much nicer on TV."

"Are you watching the same show I have been?" Jeff asked. "All those kids are total dicks."

"Yeah, but they've never been that overtly aggressive or mean." I responded. "So you wouldn't happen to know a way to get back to our respective homes would you?"

"No I don't. Do I look like an interdimensional scientist."

"Kind of."

"Really, you think I look like an interdimensional scientist?" Jeff asked sarcastically.

"Well your double in my universe played an FBI agent once."

"Is that the same thing as an FBI agent?"

"Well no…but…"

"Well then I don't look like an interdimensional scientist. I think the best thing for us to do is to integrate into society."

"Well, how the heck are we going to do that?" I asked. "We don't have any job history or anything like that."

"Well, I forged my pre-law degree; I could certainly forge school and job histories for both of us."

"Awesome. Say could you make a drama teacher? That's actually kind of what I want to do."

"That's not gonna work. This is an hour long high school comedy. You look too young to be a high school teacher. I could easily make you a student."

"What, are you serious?" I asked angrily. "I don't want to go back to friggin high school."

"You work at a convenience store or something. I don't think you even know what kind of company you work for."

"I don't really care either. I kind of forget about what happens at work. That's intentional."

"And now you get to relive high school."

"Okay, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to be a lawyer again."

"Okay, but you're going to have to enroll me at William McKinley High. Are you going to pose as my dad or something?"

"Do I look old enough to be your dad?"

"Do I look young enough to be a high schooler? Do any of these Glee kids look young enough?"

"Good point. Let's find a motel. I have some extra cash on me."


	2. First day of school

The Portal-Part 2

"So you want to enroll your son into William McKinley High School?" Principal Figgins asked incredulously. "It's near the end of the year Mr…"

"Allen." Jeff answered. "Yeah, we just moved here from Denver. I got offered a good job at a law firm in town here."

"He looks like he's in his mid twenties." Mr. Figgins said. I could tell that Mr. Figgins wasn't buying that I was a teenager at all. I guess I would have to go find a job somewhere. Though without any kind of job history in this universe, I was up shit creek without a paddle.

"Well, you know kids. They always want to look older than they really are. You don't know how many times I've caught him trying to buy alcohol."

"Dad, you're embarrassing me." I fake whined.

"Quiet Michael, grownups are talking."

I sighed and slumped into my chair. I knew it was important to get into school here. Maybe one of the Glee kids knew where the portal came from. To be honest though, after our confrontation at the gas station, I had no desire to interact with any of them. Maybe I could just start over here. I was thinking maybe I could serve my time here at high school, and then actually do things right in college this time. Not many people ever had this chance, and I wasn't going to waste this one.

"Well you do have a point." Figgins conceded. "However, you are going to have to shave your beard. People are going to ask questions."

I didn't have much of a problem with this. Even though I usually do look better with facial hair, it was getting a little bit itchy. I figured I would shave it as soon as I got home. However, I made a show out of protesting.

"Fine." I grumbled. "I guess I'll shave my beard when I get home."

"Glad to hear it!" Figgins exclaimed. "Michael, welcome to William McKinley High. Here's your class schedule."

"I thought I got to choose that?" I asked, confused.

"Well, this one is made up of all the classes we had open. Coincidentally, we just happened to have four of them."

I looked at my schedule. It looked like I was taking Spanish, Drama, P.E, and English. I figured it could be worse. At least I wasn't taking any math classes off the bat. That would have been pretty awful.

"Well, I'm going to go off to my real job now. Have fun being a high schooler." Jeff said derisively. I had no idea what he was so pissed about. The whole me being in high school thing was his idea. I walked out to the hallways and was immediately shoved to the ground. I turned around and saw that it was Mercedes. I sighed heavily. Sassy black chicks seemed to have an irrational hatred of me for whatever reason. It certainly made working at McDonalds rather hellish.

"You best not take all the tater tots at lunch today!" Mercedes growled. "Today's the first day in months that we've had tater tots and I'm not going to let you eat them all."

Now I like tater tots, but I don't see the point in threatening people over them. I decided that I wasn't going to take this from this fat bitch. She's a fellow high school student, not a customer I have to be nice to, and I was going to let her have it.

"Listen here, tons of fun…" I began.

"Uh uh, no you didn't…" She objected. "You did not just call me fat!"

"Uh yes, I did girlfriend." I responded while snapping my fingers in a Z formation. "Look, I'm not going to hit a girl, but this pushing shit ain't gonna happen anymore."

"Well, what are you going to do about honky?" Mercedes asked defiantly.

I had said all I needed to say, and was getting quite tired of dealing with this chick.

"Listen, just fuck off and leave me alone. I'm going to class."

"Aw hell naw." Mercedes screamed. "I'm about to bust a cap in your ass."

I had a feeling that Mercedes had no idea what that actually entailed, so I just ignored her. Unfortunately, that option was off the table as soon as Kurt got into my face.

"Don't you walk away from Mercedes when she's talking to you?"

I could have sworn Kurt was still at Dalton. Maybe the writers forgot. Either that, they couldn't think of some ridiculously contrived situation that would transfer Kurt back to William McKinley, so they just put him there hoping the viewers would forget that he was ever at Dalton. I wondered if they would remember Blaine. I know he and Kurt just got together, but I never thought they had good romantic chemistry really. Plus, ever since the _Theatricality _episode from last season, I've kind of regarded Kurt as an amoral Mary Sue who gets praised pretty much because he's gay. Anyway, I should probably get back to the story. Anyway, Mary Sue was right up in my face. It was making me a little uncomfortable. I was afraid he was going to kiss me.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked.

"Yes, I just want to say that I think you are trash. Normally I wouldn't waste time scraping you off of my shoes, but you got up all in my friend's face, and I'm not going to abide it."

"She shoved me down and yelled at me about tater tots or something stupid like that."

"She can do that. That's her job."

"No it isn't."

"Don't get smart with me. You have no right to insult me or Mercedes. You pull anything like that again, and I can make sure life is very hard for you at William McKinley."

I seriously wanted to punch this Mary Sue in his little porcelain face. But I held back. I didn't want to start any more trouble, especially not on my first day of school. So instead I turned around and started walking to class.

"Don't you walk away when I'm talking to you." Kurt screamed as he pulled my backpack. That was the last straw. I reached back and punched him in the face. Kurt quickly fell down like a house of cards. Mercedes rushed over towards Kurt and helped him up.

"You're going to pay for this." Mercedes threatened. "You're going to get what's coming to you real soon."

I immediately regretted my actions after I saw Kurt bleeding from the mouth. "You're right, I crossed the line. I'm sorry…"

"You're going to be sorry after my step-brother hears what happened." Kurt threatened. The bell rang. It was the sweetest sound I could have heard at that moment. I rushed off towards Spanish class.

"Okay class, let's start off by counting to ten." Mr. Schuester said. "Uno…Dos…Tres…"

As I counted to ten along with the rest of the class, I couldn't help thinking that this was pretty basic stuff for a high school Spanish class. I mean, pretty much everybody in America knows how to count to ten in Spanish. Of course, not a whole lot of people can get further than ten. I've only been able to get to twelve myself. Of course, you would think that a freaking Spanish teacher would be able to count quite a bit farther than that. That didn't seem to be the case here.

"Okay class. Donde esta la biblioteque?"

Of course, I knew he was asking where the library was. That's a pretty basic question that everybody knows.

"El Diablo la chico in el bano."

Devil the feminine boy in the bathroom? That doesn't even make sense. I began to suspect that Mr. Schue didn't really know what he was doing as a Spanish teacher. Something weird was going on here. At that point, the bell rang.

"Okay class, we're going to have a quiz tomorrow?" Mr. Schuester announced as we all got up out of our desks.

Not that I was complaining, but I found it odd that the class only lasted about five minutes before the bell rang. It made no nevermind to me, as I was quite hungry. I had no interest in eating cafeteria food, so I figured I'd get something from Chick-Fil-A instead. A Chicken sandwich was sounding pretty good right now. As I walked up to my car I saw a group of people surrounding it. I recognized them as being pretty much all the dudes in the Glee club: Finn, Puck, Artie, Sam, and Mike Chang.

"Hey guys, how's it going." I stammered nervously.

"Why don't you tell us?" Puck said menacingly.

"Kurt told me what you did to him earlier?" Finn growled.

"You know, I feel bad about that. I really do." I said.

"Are you some kind of homophobe?" Sam asked.

"No, of course not!" I protested.

"We don't take kindly to your kind around here." Artie said.

"What do you mean _my kind_?" I asked defensively.

"You are a bully." Finn answered. "And we're going to show you exactly what we do to bullies."

I had only a split second to consider the hypocrisy in Finn's statement before the guys in the Glee club jumped me. I tried to fight them off, but these guys were strong from the many years they had spent playing football. Puck held me while Finn repeatedly punched me in the stomach. Then Puck turned me towards Mike Chang, who spin kicked me in the chest. Sam put me in a headlock and squeezed until I felt I was about to lose consciousness. Finally he let go and I fell onto the blacktop. Unfortunately for me, they were not done yet. Finn grabbed my arms while Puck grabbed my legs. Artie began rolling towards me.

_Fantastic._ I thought. _He's going to run over me with his wheelchair. _

As Artie was about to run me over with his wheelchair, he was hit by a wave of blue slushy. The other Glee kid guys were hit with a wave of slushy as well.

"What have I told you Glee kids about playing nice?" Asked the pretty brown haired cheerleader who had come to my rescue.

"Mind your own business Brooke." Finn growled.

"Yeah!" Puck joined in. "This is Glee business!"

"The only 'Glee business' you have right now is cleaning the slushy out your hair." Brooke retorted.

"This isn't over Brooke." Finn shot back. "One of these days, you will get yours."

As the Glee kids, Brooke bent down and began to help me up.

"Are you okay?" She asked in a much softer tone of voice than she had before.

"Yeah, it's nothing I won't forget about in a day or two."

"Why were they beating you up?"

I reluctantly told her how I punched Kurt in the face. "Yeah, I'm not proud of it, but the kid was really getting on my last nerve."

"I can understand that. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to do the same to that little twerp."

"So he's not exactly the most popular guy on campus really."

"Oh far from it. Pretty much everyone not in the Glee Club really hates the guy. And that's not because he is gay, though that's what he would have you believe. It's because he's so damn arrogant. His dad owns the local tire shop around here, so he's pretty well off. He pretty much lords that fact over everyone. You better be careful about punching him though. He picked on my friend Dave for a long time over being a dumb jock, even though Dave's actually a very smart guy. In fact, until recently, he was getting all A's. Then Dave just started losing his temper with Kurt, shoving him whenever he saw him. Dave just wanted him to back off. Kurt couldn't leave well enough alone and tracked him down in the lockerroom. To make matters worse, Kurt actually kissed him and accused Dave of being a closet homosexual. Dave's been out for years! He just isn't flamboyant about it like Kurt."

I had not heard that side of the story before. From what I've seen of the Glee kids, I had no doubt that it was true. Brooked continued with her story:

"Finally Kurt began making up straight up lies about Dave, saying that he threatened to kill him. Coach Sylvester expelled him from school, but he went to the school board and got it overturned. Coach Sylvester had been acting as the principal unbeknownst to them, and when the school board got wind of that, they quickly brought Figgins back. Coach Sylvester made up some story about stepping down voluntarily, but nobody bought it. Things worked out well for Kurt though. He used his dad and step-mom's honeymoon money to enroll in an expensive private school because his crush was going there. He used the excuse that he was scared for his life, but as you just discovered, he has plenty of people backing him up. Dave was jumped in the locker room just before he was expelled. Poor guy had some bruised ribs and had to go to the hospital. Speaking of which, let's get you to the nurse."

I happily went with Brooke. She was the first friend I had made at this rotten school, so I was going to stick with her for a bit.

"I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Brooke."

For a brief second, I forgot my fake name. I stuck my hand out and shook hers. "Allen!" I blurted out. "Michael Allen."

"Who are you, James Bond?" She asked, giggling.

"Sorry, I'm still a little loopy from that craziness that just happened."

"It's okay." She said in an understanding tone. "Well, here's the nurse. It was nice to meet you Michael Allen."

"It was nice to meet you too Brooke." I responded. As she walked off, I called out to her.

"Hey, perhaps we could hang out some time." I said hopefully.

"Absolutely, I'll see you around school." She called back.

Grinning, I stepped into the nurse's office.

oHHo


End file.
